Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
