ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
