Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
