Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
