***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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