WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
