I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
