I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
