sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Mom said you looked used
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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