Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
