so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
