did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
