he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
