Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
