Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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