Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
