i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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