We got so high we made milksteak
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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