I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
