Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
