Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
