I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
