I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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