Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
