Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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