yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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