all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
