dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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