Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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