ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
