dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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