I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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