You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Text me some of your sweat
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
