I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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