I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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