went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize