She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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