yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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