Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
