Got a toothbrush?
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I need help removing her.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
