thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
