hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
