shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
