I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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