Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
