Say something about gay babies.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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