all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
