Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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