I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
