I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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