Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
