so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
