I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
